And you are your worst enemy, you’ll never win the fight..

Read More

Stand tall, chin up, and most importantly, be proud because this is the moment that you have finally been waiting for. This is what you have to show to the world. All the hours spent preparing and practicing just for this moment, this one moment. Let’s make it memorable. And this is not the end, it is only the beginning.

And I know I’ve posted this before, but I think it’s nice to say it again because I’m really beginning to truly understand the feeling now: “Anxiety is excitement. It’s just that your mind makes it nervousness.” I am definitely more excited than nervous. Why did it take me this long to finally realize it?

It is very strange to be home before midnight, especially since I’ve been coming home later than usual this week. (Hell week for KCN this Friday!) I haven’t updated in a while, but I thought I should actually post something, instead of always saving my things as drafts and never actually posting it.

I know that I have a lot to be proud of, and this is something my family and friends always remind me of, but maybe it is why I withdraw and retreat from them for fear of reminding myself of the misery where I get stuck in this dark ditch and cannot think of myself as anything other than utterly wretched. It’s a vicious cycle, really. Please get me out of here.

Appraisal truly is significant. I mean, how strange and COMPLETELY ironic is it that when you’re so focused on not messing up and looking like a fool, that’s EXACTLY what happens? So what it all comes down to it is that I should just be myself. I JUST HAVE TO OWN IT. So, just stop perceiving it as awkward and JUST DO IT. NIKE.

There was a quote a while back when I was completely obsessed with watching videos of anything and everything that has to do with hunger games. Jacqueline Emerson, aka Foxface, said something so profound that it’s hard not to forget it: “Anxiety is excitement. It’s just that your mind makes it nervousness.”